Thursday, June 7, 2012

Dystopian Wars

The Other Tim popped by for a game of Dystopian Wars last night.


Imperialist Ammerican aggressors attacking a Japanese airfield somewhere in the Pacific Ocean.


Blow each other up!


Empire of the Blazing Sun

Badass Dreadnaught with escorts and a Squadron of Fighters
Squadron of medium gunboats
Two squadrons of smallish boats
Squadron of Useless Corvettes
Squadron of Torpedo Bombers
Squadron of land-based fighters on the Airfield
Faint hope of some theoretical Reinforecements…?

Imperialist Aggressor American

Two Battleships with swarm of fighters
Two squadrons of torpedo bombers
Squardon of Cruisers
Three or four squadrons of annoying little boats.


I was dead tired (having awoken around 5AM) and was suffering under the delusion that this was a “fast-playing” game… I thought maybe it’d be done in an hour or so… it dragged on for more than three… and we played three turns… and it wasn’t even close to being done (or maybe it was…?) when I had to kick Other Tim out and go to bed… 

(Remember: click on the pictures for a bigger version)

Other Tim talking a picture and the small chunk of the pacific over which we were fighting.

His version of the events and pictures are apparently on the Dystoipian Wars Forum:

(Actually I have no idea what he posted – apparently you have to be signed up to view it and I just can’t be bothered to sign up for ONE MORE FORUM!?)

American Imperialist Aggressor Fleet.

The Glorious Fleet of the most Honourable Emperor (or Empress…?). that’s my Dreadnaught and two squadrons of small-ish ships (“Frigates”..? maybe…?) and the big squid-thingie (menacingly submerged for maximum “Shock and Awe”®). Also the peaceful commercial airport (bringing commerce, prosperity, and civilization to the previously primitive islanders) that the Americans wanted to capture for ferrying planeloads of rubber dog poo from their slave factories in China… or something like that…

Annoying American PT boats shooting up my gun boats. Fie! FIE!!!

The red was a pool of blood floating about the sea where an Imperialist American battleship was sunk and we had to avoid going through it or it would stain our beautiful ships… or something.

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! Little ships blowing up. Big ships getting hammered on.

Lots of toys and counters and cards and dice floating about the Pacific Ocean. Will it ever recover from this environmental catastrophe.

If I hadn’t been so damn tired and had half a day to kill I could probably have gotten into this a bit more. As I mentioned I had for some reason thought this (as is the trend with new-ish games these days) would be a lot faster playing. It wasn't. But I thin most naval wargames seem to be that way... and that's probably why I don't play any... 

Others will attest that I usually love playing the Japanese – if for no other reason to throw my hands in the air and shout “BANZAI” at my opponent after every successful dice roll (and even some of the not-so-successful dice rolls – just to keep them on their toes…) but I was so damned tired I don’t think I shouted at Other Tim once…

The toys are pretty enough, but I just can’t see myself investing any time or money in this game myself. I have enough on my plate as it is…

Coming soon on Tim’s Miniature Wargaming Blog:

A Report of a Hordes of the Things Double-Header with the kids! Huzzah! 


  1. I have heard from someone else that the rules for this are a bit clunky, which is a shame as the models are lovely. I have some of the vehicles scheduled for addition to my Epic 40K armies.

  2. Honestly? I think you should get up at 5am for all your battle reports. This is hilarious.

  3. The rules are fine, but they're presented terribly in the difficult-to-use rulebook. And, especially good considering the game has been out 1.5 years.